Sunday, January 8, 2012

"ALL AGES" is not synonymous with "CHILDREN WELCOME"


So there's this band playing at Call the Office tonight, and Boyfriend had this retarded idea that we should all go.  And by all, I mean him, me, and the kids.

Okay first of all, I've never heard of this band, so missing out on their show means nothing to me. Not that I'm averse to going to see bands I haven't heard of, but I like to do that without children. Boyfriend sees nothing wrong with taking the kids to a bar to go see a show if the show isn't a late one.  I think he even fancies himself hip or progressive or something for doing it.  I disagree.  My reasons are neither hip or progressive, but they're logical and considerate, and this is my blog so there.

First, let's be selfish.  I'm not ashamed to admit that I enjoy spending time away from my son.  This is when I can let loose, relax, maybe get drunk, and feel generally unburdened.  I might spend this time going to see a band.  I don't my child invading that space.  I can't fully relax when my kid is around.  This isn't just aboiut getting loaded or anytghing, but even when the kids are playing quietly on their own, you're always thinking baout them.  This is probably because every ten minutes they need a snack, to whine or claim boredom, to tattle, to announce first their imminent trip to the washroom, and then later, the results.  You can try to block them out, but it doesn't work for any length of time.  But hey, you're at home, they're in their element with a bazillion things to do, it never gets all that bad. 
Now put the kids in a bar.  They have no toys, no tv, they're gonna be bored.  And this is supposed to be enjoyable for me HOW exactly?  Take the regular annoying characteristics of children and add to that your own worries; "Are they gonna get hurt?  What if they get trampled?" "What will I feed them?" "These bathrooms are disgusting."  "Wow, lots of people are swearing."  "And drinking."  "And smoking."  "And gving me dirty looks."  I just fail to see how I could possibly enjoy this.

Second, let's think of the other bar patrons.  I bet at least a few of them got a sitter so they could enjoy a much needed night away from the kids.  These are actually the ones who will be the nicest, even though they're kind of annoyed.  They had no idea that by going to a bar they'd end up being around kids.  Silly fools.  They'll probably laugh about it later and feel good about themselves and their parenting skills, and will likely feel sorry for those cute kids at the bar.  They might make a comment along the lines of, "If they can't afford a babysitter, they shouldn't go out."  That's okay.  Everyone else will be thinking the same thing.
Then there's the people who don't have kids.  They're not going to be overly impressed, either.  Now, I'm not naive enough to think that everyone would be mad about it.  I know some people flat out won't care one way or another, and I know some will even find it cute and/or charming. Look, I'm a Mom.  I've also been to bars when people had their kids there.  You feel weird smoking around them, or being too drunk or disorderly, and you resent those people for bringing their spawn to the bar in the first place.  A bar is a grown up space.
And then there are the bar patrons who don't give a fuck that you've got your kid at the bar.  (As an aside, I know Boyfriend inside out - and these will be the patrons he'll complain about)  These people arent going to let the fact that kids are present ruin their good time.  And I don't blame them.  I just don't want my kid watching them in awe.  Their attidue will be, "What do you expect bringing your kid to a bar?"  I cannot argue with that logic.  As I said earlier, a bar is a grown up space.  I don't beleive in sheltering kids from the real world, but I do believe in keeping them kids.  I also believe that parents should be parents before being friends, and that kids should just have to wait until they're no longer kids to enjoy certain things.  I also firmly believe thaty parents should not impose their children on people who maybe don't want kids to be around.  I mean, I can look past people who bring a loud toddler to a kid's movie, it's no big deal, the place is full of kids.  Bars are not.  I don't take my kid to expensive, romantic, candlelit swanky restaurants out of repsect for the other patrons.  Why should a bar be any differnt?

And we must not forget the other people in a bar, the staff.  I worked in a bar for 6 years and people would occasionally bring kids to a show.  Trust me, we hated it.  Even I hated it, and I adore kids, even more so at that time in my life than now that I have one of my own...  When the club advertises "All Ages," they don't do it in hopes that parents will make a family outing of it.  It means that high school kids who are into the band can come out.  Nobodody wants a seven year old running around their bar, trust me.

And finally: WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?  Kids don't want to go to bars.  They want to go to Adventures on Wonderland and Laser QUest.  This might be different if the kid was "in to" the band.  But most kids are not that into any band to stand around at a bar waiting for the band to come on, then stand around (maybe be-bop a little depending on how much the kid digs music) while the band plays, then stand on the fringes while the grownups have their converstaions, drinking too much pop since  the bar has nothing else to offer. (later the parents will wonder why the kid is acting so spazzy)  Sorry, you will never convince me that that's where a kid really wants to be.  Even if you have a kid like Boyfriend's who wants to crazy glue herself to her father's leg.  He's taken her to shows at bars before.  I've seen pictures.  She isn't smiling in any.  Regardless, I said earlier - a bar is not a kid's element.  There is fuck-all for them to do, and there certainly won't be lots of other kids to run around with.  My son would have been a whiny annoyance had I taken him, and I would have no one to blame but myself.

Happy Mothers Day

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I am Blue because My Smokes are too

It's officially happened - my smokes now come in an all-blue pack.

It's easier on the eye than the red blob in the middle I suppose, but I still really miss my red smokes.

The End of an Era.

Farewell, Old Friend. 

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Dogs Aren't People

I hold a longstanding disdain towards people who bring their dogs to public places.
I don't mean parks or other outdoor spaces, but stores and restaurants and things.
It's always bothered me. 
It could be because the dogs that get taken into places tend to be the exact sorts of dogs I don't like; little, rat-like creatures that shiver too much even though they are dressed in ridiculous little fake Louis Vuitton sweaters that their idiot owners bought them at the flea market.  I think that if I was a large dog I would feel discriminated against because of my size.  No one takes big dogs to stores.
I don't see why anyone would ever need to take their dog, say, shopping for eyeglasses.  They cannot give you an honest opinion or advice towards your purchase.  And they don't facilitate your shopping trip - they cannot hold doors for you, hold your purse while you try things on or help you carry your packages to the car.  So why the hell would you take a dog shopping?  It's asinine.

So, imagine my anger when I boarded a plane last Sunday morning and found out there was a dog on board.
What the fuck?
Okay, I get that some misguided souls live under illusions that their pets are like their children, no different than any other person but they really cannot be.  You don't give birth to a dog.  Sure, there is some training involved that may compare to a newborn baby, but that's about as far as that argument can go. 
Oh sure, you may spend as much on a dog as someone else does a child, perhaps even more - your children's medical expenses are covered by the government and your pet's aren't.  You know why?  Because pets aren't citizens.  You know why?  Because they're not fucking people.

Okay I'm rambling, but here's what happened:
I was travelling with 6 other people.  We had pre-booked our seats to ensure that we all sat together.  So, airplane - 3 seats per row, we had 7 seats - 2 rows and the aisle seat in the next row.  My stepmother took that seat.  As she goes to sit down, there is already a man in her seat.  She tells him she's about to sit there, and he tells her he and his wife are travelling with a dog and he hopes that's not a problem.  What really can she say?  She's not impressed but she's also a much easiergoing person than myself, so she grins and bears it.  It's an hour and a half flight.

The stewardess comes around and tells my stepmother that once we are in the air she will move her to another seat.  My stepmother tells her that she is okay where she is; she wants to sit with the rest of us.
The stewardess tells her that the dog has to remain under the seat at all times, and so if my stepmother moves to another seat, these fine folks who have graced the plane's presence with their overgrown rodent can each have some leg room.

Oh, well, of course then!  We must ensure that the people who have a complete disregard for the comfort of everyone else on the plane have ample legroom!  Never mind that my stepmother paid a full adult fare for her ticket (as well as for three other people) and the dog owners paid a $50 surcharge to live in a fucking fantasy land that says dogs are just as important as people.  Anyway, had it been me I would've caused a scene, but my stepmother just moved to another seat.

Okay, so they cannot serve peanuts on a plane anymore and we are encouraged not to wear perfume for our fellow passengers who may be allergic.  I have no problem with this.  But what about those people who are allergic to dogs?

Or why were the dog owners shown more courtesy than someone who didn't bring a mangy mutt aboard.  Why couldn't the dog's owners been forced to move their seat if the legroom was an issue?  I guess if Westjet wants to allow small dogs on board, that's their problem, even though I think it's fucking lame.  However, it should not come at the expense of any other passenger's comfort.  Dogs can be really annoying and they can do dumb things like pee or bark when they get scared.  Some people will argue that crying babies on a plane can be considered just as annoying as a dog.  I guess, but babies are people.  Babies will grow up and do things like pay taxes and contribute to the economy and care for their aging parents.  Dogs will never do those things, nor will they ever have to pay for a plane ticket.

Anyway, I think our society is going to hell in a handbasket and stupid rat-dog owners and those that coddle them are among the most to blame.

If any dog has a problem with what I have just said, I welcome your comment.  Oh wait, you can't read, write, type, or form an informed opinion.  You're a dog.  Bite your owner hard in the ass and remind them of that, would you?