Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Jack Daniels v.2.0

It's a sleep welcomer.
It's a snore ignorer.
A frown remover.
It's a panty remover.

Get a Load of These Cans

Jack Daniel's Lemonade King Cans are the best.
They are as close as a whiskey sour as you can get in canned form.
Not sweet at all.  But fucking glorious.
Listen, I NEVER drink out of a can - EVER... these I can drink out of a can.
No shit.
I had my first one over ice, out of habit and neurosis.  It gave me a delightful glow that made me not wait to get ice and pour the next one, I took a sip out of the can... it was amazing.
I'm having one right now, and I suggest you get your hands on one as soon as you can.
I would put my face on these cans.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

I Call Bullshit. Or, Taking the High Road Licks Balls

I adore my Stepmother.  She's more like a Mom to me than my own, and one of my son's favourite people in the whole wide world.  Seems like my Dad's siblings don't like her, for reasons none of my or your business.  Whatever, that's their perrogative.  I shouldn't say they all don't like her, it seems to just be a particular few.  Anyway, this week one of them (who I might add is 50 goddamn years old) was all over Facebook this week calling her a cunt.  I'm not sure what she was trying to accomplish- my Stepmom never goes on Facebook.  My 18 year old sister saw it though, which the Aunt surely must've known would happen.  Another Aunt has been slagging her all week as well.  I wanted so badly to respond, and if we all weren't supposed to see each other at my cousin's wedding in the summer, I would've put the miserable wenches in their places.  But I decided to keep mum, after discussing it with my sister.  My Dad has been ill and there's enough stress in their lives right now.  I wanted to delete these 2 Aunts, but decided to let everything go until after the wedding, lest I contribute to any stress or drama on my cousin's special day.  Even though I feel kind of like I'm betraying my Stepmom by keeping my mouth shut.  You see, keeping my mouth shut when people are being nasty to someone I love is really really hard for me.
Anyway, it appears the one Aunt gave her head a shake and deleted her comments.  The other Aunt has kept it up.  I've known for years that this particular Aunt is a kook so I'm trying not to let it bother me, but it does.  Turns out she deleted me from Facebook yesterday anyway.  As well as my 18 year old sister.  Which is fine by me, as I officially now dislike the bitch, who before I had no opinion of, since I don't even know her. (I've always lived pretty far away from this side of the family)  But it does make me wonder, why on earth did she delete me?  Is she planning on slagging my stepmother some more?  I shouldn't care, I know.  But I do.
Anyway, here's what troubles me more.  My older sister is in cahoots with these nasty Aunts.  Which, you know is fine if she wants to be friends with them.  My Stepmom would never expect her not to have a relationship with them just because they don't like her.  Except I know this sister well enough to know she's a two-faced bitch who thrives on causing shit.  Not sure why, other than she has no life or friends. So, yesterday, this sister sends me a friend request on Facebook saying she 'accidentally' deleted me in a friend purge.  This is a bullshit excuse I know, as Facebook asks you like 3 times if you're sure you want to delete this person.  But whatever.  She's a fucking weirdo.  So I comment on her wall - basically telling her I'm calling bullshit on her little 'accident'.  Her comment?  That she accidentally deleted our sister Sarah as well. What a liar.  Fact: this wingnut was making all sorts of mean comments and leaving nasty messages on Sarah's Facebook. Fact: Sarah (who has no internet at home) called me in tears giving me her password and asked me to go delete this sister.  Fact: I tried, but it became apparent that crazy sister had already deleted her.  I blocked crazy sister from Sarah for good measure.  Fact: this was at least 2 months ago.  Lie, Liar, Lie.
So anyway, like I said, I re-added this sister.  Then I see she's friends again with our 18 year old sister, who she must have 'accidentally' deleted as well.  (This is the daughter of the Stepmom for anyone having a hard time keeping up)  For curiosity's sake, I checked to see who else she had 'accidentally' deleted.  Lo and Behold! You guessed it, she's deleted Stepmom as well.  Wow, that was quite an accident to make over and over again, and what a coincidence that it was the same people as psycho Aunt deleted as well.
Anyway, here's what really cuts my grass and may be the bit that prevents me from taking the high road after all.  This (36 year old) sister 'cant afford' to go to my cousin's wedding in the summer.  I knew she'd say that, it's her go-to excuse.  Now, she may legit have no money, but it's because she spends all her money pampering my equally insane mother.  But I digress, that's a whole other story in itself.
So my Stepmother is paying for this sister's flight and hotel room.  Which is nice, great, generous, don't get me wrong.  My dilemma is this: I know for certain this sister has deleted my Stepmother, talks shit about her with these Aunts and is basically taking advantage of her generosity in order to get a free trip so that she can go suckhole up to these bitches, all on my Stepmother's dime.
It is taking everything I have inside of me not to expose this sociopath for what she's doing.
My Dad is sick, I don't want to add any stress to his or my Stepmom's life.  I don't want my cousin's wedding to be the setting of a family feud.  But I DO want to stick up for my Stepmom, I know she would for me. I HATE two-faced people more than anything.  I also hate it when people take advantage of the kindness of others.  It's likely why I'm brutally honest and somewhat selfish.  I hate my sister's fucked up ways.  It bothers me a bazillion times more than the attitudes of some faraway relatives.
Anyway, FOR NOW I'll continue to keep quiet on the subject.  Even though I feel like a douchebag.  I'm going to try just blogging about it when I need to get something off my chest.  I only have to go til August.  Then I'm deleting every toxic, two-faced bitch that I'm embarrassed to be related to.
Happy Easter, by the way.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011