Monday, February 28, 2011

Why I Have No Street Cred v.2.0

Ten more reasons:

1. I am wearing Juicy Couture rubber boots.  And it's not raining.

2. I believe in God, and consider myself a Christian, although just how much of a Christian I am is debatable.

3. As illustrated above, I don't take all of my beliefs and convictions as seriously as some would like.

4. R. Kelly's Ignition remix is one of my favourtite songs of all time.

5. I have never struggled with any major addictions or demons. Which I sort of take as a good thing, but apparently it doesn't make me very worldly.

6. I would not date someone who didn't have a job.

7. I encouraged my 11 year old pseudo-stepdaughter to open a Twitter account so she could follow Justin Bieber.

8. I then spent half an hour in her Twitter account following Justin Bieber myself.

9. I'd rather read Us Weekly than Bukowski.

10. I wish there was a Starbucks on every corner, I really do.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Why I Have No Street Cred

1. I like my punk poppy - not crusty.  (When I like it all)

2. I don't wear nearly enough eyeliner.

3. I don't want to drink Strongbow.  I want to drink Veuve Clicquot.

4. I don't give a fuck about Nicaragua.  Or Egypt. Or Haiti. Or whatever far-off land du jour everyone's talking about.

5.I used to vote Conservative.  Stevie creeps me right the fuck out, so I haven't voted Blue in a while, but before him... card carrying member.  I would go back if they would get rid of that douche.

6.I buy the majority of my clothes at The Gap.  Further, I believe their use of sweatshops is an excellent business decision.  Cheap labour keeps prices down, whether you like it or not.  Also, although perhaps not up to our North American standards, these factories are legitimate employers for people who would perhaps otherwise have to resort to begging or the sex trade.

7. I think that people who always say they have no money to go out would have a lot more money if they didn't drink so much. (At their home, of course)

8. I don't own leopard print tights, and I strongly believe the manufacture of such hosiery in any size over Small should be illegal.

9. I have never been on welfare. (Although hoping to change that this summer)

10.  I am not in University so that I can do good and make positive changes for our world.  I am there because I hope to earn a big fat paycheck which will enable me to buy all the Veuve Clicquot and diamonds I want. 

These are just the first ten reasons, there's lots more but I feel that ten at a time is plenty.


Is it wrong that I'm too lazy to go  to school today?  I have tomorrow off (and the whole next week) so there's really no excuse for it other than laziness and boredom.  I have two English classes today and in each we're doing Robert Browning poems.  That's a lot of Browning *yawn*
I just really don't want to go.  So I'm not. 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

cupcakes are the new shawarma

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Everlasting, My Ass!

When I was a kid my favourite candy was Everlasting Gobstoppers.  Mmmm... so good, especially the purple ones.
I went to the store today to get my required supplies to pull the all-night essay writing session that's going down up in here.  So, I got my Salt & Vinegar chips, my Junior Mints, my Coca Cola, my cigarettes (yep, sorry, I need them when I write.  I'll quit again on Wednesday.) Brain food, ya know?  Then I noticed the Gobstopper box.  I haven't had them in years.  Yum, up on the counter they go too.  I seriously spent almost $25 at the corner store.  It was embarrassing.  Well, I did buy milk, too.  But I digress.
Look, when I was a kid a box of Gobstoppers would last me all day.  Or could last me all day, I'm sure I had my moments of childlike savagery. I'm a grownup now, and I have a tummy that doesn't agree with too much candy at once, so I thought the box would last me a day and a half.  And it should've, except they're bleeping tiny now!  You know, you used to have to suck them to get to the delicious candy centre - these little things I could bite right through!  And so could the boy, so don't give me any guff about the strength of a grownup jaw.  I felt really ripped off.  And there were only 2 purple ones in the whole box, and those are my favourites.  But man, they're still delicious.
On the box they're still labelled as "Jawbreakers."  Maybe Stuart Little's jaw, not mine.  I don't like misrepresentation .  I am so pissed off at Willy Wonka right now.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011