Tuesday, January 25, 2011

If this turns out to be the only thing I take away from "Paradise Lost", well, that will be just fine

It's funny the things that can comfort you.  I'm currently reading Paradise Lost for English class and really not enjoying it. 
Since Friday I have gotten the silent treatment from my boyfriend, or not my boyfriend, over something really ridiculous.  I tried to give him a day or two to cool down, but instead I have been assaulted with a barrage of insulting text messages and emails.  I'm trying to leave him alone, and have asked him to leave me alone, but it's not working.
Now, even though I know that his insults are mainly untrue, unfair and said in anger - they still hurt.  Especially the ones that illustrate he thinks I'm a lying, insignificant racist.  (I was not aware that the word himey was a derrogatory slang for a Jewish person - I only thought it meant cheap.  I  assure you it is a word I will never use again)  Anyway...
So these insults hurt my feelings, as they would anyone's, especially coming from someone who tells you how wonderful you are. I try to smirk as I read them because I prefer smirking to crying.  But it's hard. 
So, today in English class...
My professor is talking about some of Satan's more prolific fallen angels.  And he starts talking about Belial (sp?)
He starts going on about how Belial is able to trick people with his speech into thinking he's a great, smart, rational guy, but a close reading of Belial's speeches reveal that they are baseless, nonsensical, and fundamentally untrue.  I perked right up.  My prof says that although Belial uses his syntax and his big words properly, his logic is garbled because his mind is garbled.  I liked that. And not just because it gave me a pretentious new argument, but I really actually took comfort in it.  Boyfriend's mind is garbled, well, in his case - pickled is probably a better word.  He can be as gramatically correct and use as many big words as he wants.  He's still a dumb liar.

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