Monday, March 14, 2011

How To Write Or, How I Write

Oh poor blog I'm so sorry to have neglected you.
I've been so swamped with the writing I'm supposed to do that I haven't even had a peek at you.  Good thing we only have 3 followers, eh?
Anyway, since writing has taken over my life, I thought I'd write a bit about writing.
People ask me all the time: "Damn girl, how DO you do it?"  (Okay, no one I know talks ghetto-fab but I wish they did)
So, since I'm laking the creativity & brain juices to do anything else, I hereby present to you...
  • You need a topic.  This seems obvious but sometimes they're hard to narrow down.
  • You need a thesis.  This is very important.  It's your argument, the whole point of your paper, Baby. When in doubt - WHATEVER YOU ARE WRITING ABOUT IS CLASSIST.  You can prove that just about anything in history is classist thanks to the proliferation of:
    • a) things that actually are classist
    • b) Marxist historians and their bleeding heart research
Just trust me, stick with saying things are classist.  Throw in a racial or gendered element in there and you're gold.

  • 12 cans of Coca-Cola classic, to be consumed during those all nighters.
  • A boyfriend with big hands to pop the air bubbles in your tummy brought on by all that Coke
  • 1 roll of Pilsbury Cookie Dough
    • half to be eaten raw
    • half to be baked - cookies consumed fresh from the oven while writing are delightful
  • Cigarettes.  Lots.
  • An area where smoking is permitted, close to where you're working. Cigarettes make you focus and are a great excuse to take a break.
  • Marijuana.  NOT A LOT!  This is important unless you have better willpower than I do.
    • One tiny bowl can really get those creative juices flowing.
    • You will also need some for after you finish your paper, but before you put in footnotes.  At this point, all intelligent work is completed, and you deserve not only a break but something to make the drudgery of your citations more enjoyable.
  • A clean, well lighted place.  Hemingway, wasn't it? He was on to something.
  • Q107 on the radio.  Their stoner DJ's make sitting at your computer at 3 am considerably more entertaining.
Well, there, that's how I do it.

1 comment:

  1. I can't believe I spelled 'lacking' wrong and allowed it to be posted.
    What have I become???